Hindrance to Self Control

Many times I ask myself, 

"why do I keep falling into this trap again and again, even after having realized it's not good?!"

It can get frustrating, and also demoralizing.
Moreover, when you find yourself without an answer or a solution,
it is tempting to feel that "giving up on doing good" is the only path left 

because struggling and facing repeated failures seems to make you go in circles.

One of the traps I keep falling into is... watching dramas.
Recently I've been feeling quite restless and stubborn, not wanting to study or do anything.
I searched for Korean dramas, but many were either not interesting,
or were the ones I've watched before. It was a tad annoying. 

After watching them, I'd regret it because a lot of my time was wasted!!!
And if you know me, you'd know I have a lot of things to do :(
But in that moment of deciding to do it, I wanted to empty my mind.
I didn't want to think too much about things because it was emotionally tiring.

Instead of resting in God, I was a tad bitter that I had no answers, so I turned back to dramas.
So that I'd get my mind off reality's issues. And it is a vicious cycle!
Because, after watching the drama, I'm brought back to reality and that makes me
crave for more dramas until I'm so tired I can just go and sleep without laying on my bed
and being kept awake by my thoughts.

But yesterday, I decided to use my 1-2 hours at night just before going to bed,

to continue reading this book on women's wisdom from the Book of Proverbs.
And I came across this section "5 hindrances to self control"As I read it, I was more aware of the reasons why I kept falling into the same trap.

The first hindrance spoke to me: Competing Desires
"We don't want to be ruled by this thing, but at some level we don't want to give it up either...
She doesn't want to give up the escape from stress (unresolved thoughts)
that food (drama) provides her"
(You can fill in your own blanks too if it helps you to gain self-awareness)

I'm addicted to dramas...No, I'm addicted to the effect dramas have on me.
There are negative influences rubbed on me as a result of too many dramas,
but those are the symptoms, not the problem of my addiction.
I realized it awhile ago, that watching drama numbed me to the emotions I'm experiencing in reality.
It was my escape. Watching other people's life was my escape because it is mindless.
Whenever I face an emotion which I can't get rid of, or I feel lonely and then
I think a lot yet I find no answers (because I'm not going back to the Bible),
I turn to dramas to get my mind off it.

"I cannot master self-control over watching dramas entirely, because my desire to
be efficient in our daily activities competes with my desire for the instant,
if short-lived, stress relief that I experience when watching dramas."
(even though it actually takes up a lot of time)

Quoted from the book but replaced words for my situation.

Jesus said, "Every Kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house 

divided against itself will stand" (Matthew 12:25)

If we are torn between two desires, we won't get anywhere.

So now what? It's demoralizing... a painful possible judgment if I don't turn back.



But there's hope! If you've agreed with me thus far, or if in your life you have 

realized (by God's grace) the real problem underneath the symptoms, then read on!

Knowing where you are weak is crucial in the battle for holiness because only then will you 

develop an effective strategy against it. Such self-awareness is also a vital component of wisdom.
Wise women learn to recognize their personal triggers.
- Does stress drive you to drink? 

- Does loneliness suck you into hours of repetitive and mindless television? 

- Does sorrow drive you out the door to the mall to do therapeutic shopping sprees?

Whatever it is, name it for the God-substitute it is 

(meaning, acknowledging that it has replaced God's place in your heart and life), 

and commit to turning from it.
God never leaves us in the dark where obedience is concerned:
Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
(Galatians 5:16)

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:25)

Note the bold words in blue in the verses.
Those are actions steps that we are to take if we want have (a godly) self-control over things.
This is God's command to us because He knows if we do not do so,
we will keep falling into sinful traps.

That's why as cliche as it sounds to many Christians, this is why quiet time is important.
Because it keeps us in step with the Spirit, prayer aligns us to God's will.

//

Today for my devotion, I was to think about what the names/attributes of Jesus meant to me.

Jesus is God, our Savior, our Lord, our Friend.
And as I wrote it out, I was reminded of the implications of them all
and I was reassured that I can trust God in all of life's matters.
Not simply not doing anything, but that all these problems isn't new to Him.
He has the answers to everything, and He's still working in me so it's okay to make mistakes

because it won't remain that way for eternity because Jesus has victory over death.
So I don't have to "beat myself up" over it, instead I should continue to remember
that my goal in life is to know Him... (Philippians 3:10-11).


- Written with love & in Christ -

Hand in Hand

I wanted to share this quote that was shared during morning devotion two weeks ago,

"Truth tells us what we're supposed to do. 

Grace enables us to do what we should do."

It is not in our own wisdom or determination that enables to do
what is pleasing to God, it is only by grace.

//

In the last month of so,
(I have no sense of time in relation to how long my questions linger in my head),
I've been wondering about where one draws the line between truth and grace.
There is definitely endless possible situations that can occur that causes us to
feel stuck between clearly knowing that someone's character/personality/conduct is "wrong"
yet showing grace because they haven't been taught.

As far as I know, many times in the Bible,
Jesus got justly angry with the Pharisees and would rebuke them for their hypocrisy.
On the other hand, He shows grace to the vilest of sinners (according to society in that time)
which many people have difficulty doing here on earth,
and also speak Truths (because of His character and mercy) to them so that they can
 have an inward change of heart.

- on a side note, amazing how Jesus has mercy on them to teach them in a way that
takes into consideration their culture and societal norms -

So truth and grace go together, and can never or should never be seen separately based on
the different situations. That's also what I believe one's reaction to situations should be like.
If God shows grace to us who are unworthy of it, who are we to determine
if others are worthy recipients of our grace. Yet, we are not called to be weak,
instead we are to rebuke in God's love for the lost, and not out of anger.

Jesus has indeed lived a life on earth that teaches us and makes us think about so many things.
But there are so many lessons yet to be discovered and learned by an individual.
The more time we waste in refusing to submit our lives to Him,
the less time we have to experience His work in our lives through His Word.

But we also know that God is sovereign,
so no matter how many years we have "wasted", God uses them for His glory and work.
We usually can only see on hindsight, so I pray we don't keep
procrastinating our obedience because of distractions;
in the small and in the big decisions.

//

With love & in Christ,
Esther 

A Cheerful Giver

I was reading this article on Desiring God but I didn't save the article.
Here's an excerpt of the article which I found enjoyable to read because of the insight it gave me.
It gave me a biblical perspective of looking at morally good deeds and helped me
to reconcile some conflicting thoughts regarding morally good deeds.

I initially thought that whenever I do good deeds,
if I felt happy about it I was doing it because I wanted to gain some assurance
that I was "doing good" (even if it's just for myself to know).
You know how they say when you help someone you will feel good?
And then sometimes people go to the extent of doing good only so that they feel good,
or that they think it saves them from hell - which is a result of being brought up
in an environment that emphasizes doing good without having the right understanding
of what sin is and how it contrasts to the Holy God.

That debate in my mind - in trying to reconcile my motives with my actions -
causes me to sometimes stop myself from doing good just so that
I would be reminded not to be tempted to only do good works for the sake of feeling happy afterward.
I know it sounds silly and almost confusing, so I hope I'm making sense somehow.

I did feel conflicted at times, so this article kind of helped me to understand what God says about it.
I hope it helps you too :)
Again, I'm reminded of another article Martin posted some time back,
that if we waited till our motives were right before doing something,
then we'd never get things done/ do good things.

//

Christian Hedonism aims to replace a Kantian morality with a biblical one.

Immanuel Kant, the German philosopher who died in 1804, 

was the most powerful exponent of the notion that
the moral value of an act decreases as we aim to derive any benefit from it. 

Acts are good if the doer is "disinterested." 

We should do the good because it is good. 

Any motivation to seek joy or reward corrupts the act.

//
However...

not only is disinterested morality (doing good "for its own sake") impossible; it is undesirable. 

That is, it is not biblical; because it would mean that the better a man became,

 the harder it would be for him to act morally.

The closer he came to true goodness the more naturally and happily he would do what is good. 

A good man in Scripture is not the man who dislikes doing good but toughs it out for the sake of duty. 

A good man loves kindness (Micah 6:8) and delights in the law of the Lord (Psalm 1:2), 

and the will of the Lord (Psalm 40:8). 

But how shall such a man do an act of kindness disinterestedly? 

The better the man, the more joy in obedience.

God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). 

Disinterested performance of duty displeases God.
He wills that we delight in doing good and that
we do it with the confidence that our obedience secures and increases our joy in God.

//

I think the way we can evaluate our thoughts and motives is when we reflect
whether it is joy from God or sinful ego boosters.
Apart from that, we can trust that through our relationship with Christ,
He continues to work in our lives and so even when we did have the wrong motive,
as we continue to grow, wrong motives will disintegrate slowly as we are closer to God.
It will not be totally removed in this life, but as long as we are children of God
we have the hope that sin will totally be removed when we meet God.


//

With love & in Christ,
Esther