Hindrance to Self Control

Many times I ask myself, 

"why do I keep falling into this trap again and again, even after having realized it's not good?!"

It can get frustrating, and also demoralizing.
Moreover, when you find yourself without an answer or a solution,
it is tempting to feel that "giving up on doing good" is the only path left 

because struggling and facing repeated failures seems to make you go in circles.

One of the traps I keep falling into is... watching dramas.
Recently I've been feeling quite restless and stubborn, not wanting to study or do anything.
I searched for Korean dramas, but many were either not interesting,
or were the ones I've watched before. It was a tad annoying. 

After watching them, I'd regret it because a lot of my time was wasted!!!
And if you know me, you'd know I have a lot of things to do :(
But in that moment of deciding to do it, I wanted to empty my mind.
I didn't want to think too much about things because it was emotionally tiring.

Instead of resting in God, I was a tad bitter that I had no answers, so I turned back to dramas.
So that I'd get my mind off reality's issues. And it is a vicious cycle!
Because, after watching the drama, I'm brought back to reality and that makes me
crave for more dramas until I'm so tired I can just go and sleep without laying on my bed
and being kept awake by my thoughts.

But yesterday, I decided to use my 1-2 hours at night just before going to bed,

to continue reading this book on women's wisdom from the Book of Proverbs.
And I came across this section "5 hindrances to self control"As I read it, I was more aware of the reasons why I kept falling into the same trap.

The first hindrance spoke to me: Competing Desires
"We don't want to be ruled by this thing, but at some level we don't want to give it up either...
She doesn't want to give up the escape from stress (unresolved thoughts)
that food (drama) provides her"
(You can fill in your own blanks too if it helps you to gain self-awareness)

I'm addicted to dramas...No, I'm addicted to the effect dramas have on me.
There are negative influences rubbed on me as a result of too many dramas,
but those are the symptoms, not the problem of my addiction.
I realized it awhile ago, that watching drama numbed me to the emotions I'm experiencing in reality.
It was my escape. Watching other people's life was my escape because it is mindless.
Whenever I face an emotion which I can't get rid of, or I feel lonely and then
I think a lot yet I find no answers (because I'm not going back to the Bible),
I turn to dramas to get my mind off it.

"I cannot master self-control over watching dramas entirely, because my desire to
be efficient in our daily activities competes with my desire for the instant,
if short-lived, stress relief that I experience when watching dramas."
(even though it actually takes up a lot of time)

Quoted from the book but replaced words for my situation.

Jesus said, "Every Kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house 

divided against itself will stand" (Matthew 12:25)

If we are torn between two desires, we won't get anywhere.

So now what? It's demoralizing... a painful possible judgment if I don't turn back.



But there's hope! If you've agreed with me thus far, or if in your life you have 

realized (by God's grace) the real problem underneath the symptoms, then read on!

Knowing where you are weak is crucial in the battle for holiness because only then will you 

develop an effective strategy against it. Such self-awareness is also a vital component of wisdom.
Wise women learn to recognize their personal triggers.
- Does stress drive you to drink? 

- Does loneliness suck you into hours of repetitive and mindless television? 

- Does sorrow drive you out the door to the mall to do therapeutic shopping sprees?

Whatever it is, name it for the God-substitute it is 

(meaning, acknowledging that it has replaced God's place in your heart and life), 

and commit to turning from it.
God never leaves us in the dark where obedience is concerned:
Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
(Galatians 5:16)

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:25)

Note the bold words in blue in the verses.
Those are actions steps that we are to take if we want have (a godly) self-control over things.
This is God's command to us because He knows if we do not do so,
we will keep falling into sinful traps.

That's why as cliche as it sounds to many Christians, this is why quiet time is important.
Because it keeps us in step with the Spirit, prayer aligns us to God's will.

//

Today for my devotion, I was to think about what the names/attributes of Jesus meant to me.

Jesus is God, our Savior, our Lord, our Friend.
And as I wrote it out, I was reminded of the implications of them all
and I was reassured that I can trust God in all of life's matters.
Not simply not doing anything, but that all these problems isn't new to Him.
He has the answers to everything, and He's still working in me so it's okay to make mistakes

because it won't remain that way for eternity because Jesus has victory over death.
So I don't have to "beat myself up" over it, instead I should continue to remember
that my goal in life is to know Him... (Philippians 3:10-11).


- Written with love & in Christ -